This is my discovering the tomb writing. I pretended that I found a tomb.I hope you enjoy -Lily
Discovering the Tomb
Not long ago explorer Lily found a tomb that held a very famous person inside!
While Lily was on a work trip photographing the beautiful deserts of Egypt she noticed something very peculiar.She noticed that there was something strange sticking out of the ground so she went over to take a look at it.One of her camera men had a shovel on him she didn’t know why but they just did so she used that to dig a little bit in the sand and she noticed that the thing sticking out of the ground wouldn't dig up and it was very well stuck in the ground.She thought that this could have been something amazing because the Ancient Egyptians did have a lot of things that they would bury underneath the ground.Soon after Lily called in someone with a digger and it took ages for them to get it to where Lily was but once they got it there they immediately started to dig.
Hours went by and then those hours turned to days.Lily had left the desert when the sun went down that night but she came back the next day to find that what was buried under ground was actually a structure.The diggers had been digging all night and the digger man thought that the mysterious structure was a tomb.Lily was determined to find an answer so she called the local detectives to come check it out they stayed for hours and hours inspecting the structure and after 1 whole day they came to a conclusion that it was most definitely a tomb.Lily went home bursting with excitement and also lots of questions she thought that she would find more answers and find out who was buried in that tomb.
To be continued…….
Hello Lily,
ReplyDeleteMy name is alan and I am from yaldhurst model school. I really enjoyed your story. It was really creative. I really liked how Lily found the tomb sticking out of the sand. If you want to improve you can add something like 'The tomb was taken to the museum where everyone can enjoy it'
Kind regards
Alan
Kia Ora Alan im so glad that you liked my story!
DeleteIf I wrote in my writing that the tomb got taken to the museum
that would be cool! I might do that in the next part of the story if I write one!
It was nice to see your comment
Kind regards -Lily
Hey Lily,
ReplyDeleteI am Mykiala from yaldhurst model school.
This is a really really cool blog post.
I love how you pretend writing that story.
Is it a story?
I also how you said to be contunid.
Anyway great job!
Kind Regards,
MYKIALA YMS!!
Hello Mykiala!
DeleteThank you for commenting on my blog:)
{Yes this is a story}
At school we have been learning about ancient Egypt and we had to write a story about finding a tomb so yeah!
Im glad you liked it
From Lily
Hi Lily! my name is Alvin from YMS I really like your story it it very intresting and I really wan to read more! Did you you think about spacing the senctences out so it could be easeir to read. and to make your blog better you could make a DLO like some slides or some pictures. but other than that Great Job
ReplyDeleteHi Alvin
DeleteThanks for commenting!
also thanks for liking my story I had a few ideas for what style of story I should write and I decided to just pretend I found a tomb:)
Writing on a slide with pictures was a good idea maybe ill do that with my other stories in the future!
-Lily
Hello Lily. I like how you did a long blog post. Next time, you could describe the structure. It is a good blog post because you have put some thought into it. Goodbye, Max.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind comment Max
DeleteI did realise that I didn't really describe much I could have said a whole lot more but I might fix it up a bit and add more detail and decription but im not sure!
-Lily
Kia Ora I'm from Yaldhurst Model School.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way would have explained what the theme was.
Did you think about adding your writing into a slide, to make it stand out more.
Next time, you could add your writing in to a slide, to make it stand out more.
Kind Regards Jorja.
Hi Jorja
Deletethank you for the compliments!
Maybe I will make a part 2 of this story
Do you think that's a good idea?
If I did then I would add a lot more detail
Keep up the commenting!
I love to see comments on my blog and reply!
Kind regards Lily :)
Hello Lily. I like your blog post, because you did a lots words.
ReplyDeleteIt is a good post.
bye
Kia Ora Peter
DeleteThanks for enjoying this post!
I'm happy that you commented even though it was a small one
-Lily